Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Brokeback University (USC)





[Somewhere in the Raging Ghetto of South Central Los Angeles]

Pete Carroll: Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! F**kin' real good life! Coulda had us more National Championships. But you didn't want it, Reggie! So what we got now is a “one-peat” at Brokeback University! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, f**kin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know that I could only win one national title with your amazing talent! You count the damn times that you saved our ass these past three years and you measure the short
f**king leash you keep me on - and then you ask me about, and you know that the possibilities of me every winning a national championship again is close to zero without you by my side. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla national championships once or twice a century! You are too much for me Reggie, you sonofawhoreson bitch!

Pete Carroll: … I wish I knew how to quit you



Reggie Bush: (Crying) Well, why don’t you? Why don’t you just let me be? I’m going on to be the Texans first round draft choice and I’m looking forward to finding out first hand what David Carr knows already, and that is what the flavor of the turf at Reliant Stadium tastes like. Get the f**k off me! I can’t stand you taking credit for all the hard work that I’ve done these past few years… sure we’ll always have Brokeback University, but I can’t stand being Poodle’s pet anymore…

[What happens next can most amply described by Poodle Pete’s decline into obscurity while Mr. Bush continues to go find out that his amazing talent is egregiously outshadowed by the poor skill level of his new Texan linemen]

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